Don’t be misled — you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Galatians 6:7, New Living Translation
This month, I can’t even get past the first three words of the scripture without being called to task. I got called out in a conversation I had with Steadman (my boyfriend) yesterday. It was the type of conversation that would force anyone to analyze why they do what they do the way that they do it. It wasn’t intentionally painful, but it was intentionally truthful. The pain I felt during the conversation came from the realization that, even though I have worked through a lot of my issues over the past years, there were still some unresolved issues.
For some reason, I’ve always had a problem with productivity. I never used to think it was a productivity issue; I thought that I just had a great ability to evaluate the benefit of certain activities in my life. I would base whether I did a particular activity on how it would benefit me in the present moment or day. Now, I know this seems normal but, as with many things, there was a serious downside to this approach. There were always certain tasks that I never did until it became absolutely unbearable. Sometimes I would get fed up and other times a person I was working with would get fed up. Either way, I would wait until I couldn’t find anything under the pile of clothes, my boss stressed the urgency of a task in person instead of email or a certain relationship was nearly fractured before actually doing the task. Essentially for decades, I was misleading myself by subconsciously allowing myself to rationalize my procrastination and lack of follow-through.
I know it was only me misleading myself because no one told me to approach things this way. In fact, everyone would silently stand along the sidelines of my life and either learn how to deal with me or just choose not to have me in their life. The saddest part about all of this is that, until Steadman decided to have this conversation with me, I was none the wiser about all of this. I’m glad my eyes are open now. I look forward to being able to forgive myself for all the missed opportunities and diminished perceptions of me because of this issue. Sometimes the truth really does hurt, but not knowing the truth would hurt more in the long run.
Have you ever felt like people “just don’t get you”? Do you decide to do or not do something “because it’s just not that important to you right now” or “it’s not at the top of the list of the million things that I need to do”? If so, how are you dealing with this? Or you can just leave words of encouragement for me if I’m dealing with this on my own LOL.