Don’t be misled — you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Galatians 6:7, New Living Translation
Even after all the revelations of the conversation that I had with Steadman last week, for a few days, I still didn’t get it. I was so busy trying to not let myself feel really bad for being oblivious for so many years, that I forgot to focus on actually making a change. Then I realized, that the reason I wasn’t getting it was that I hadn’t forgiven myself. I needed to forgive myself for living a life where I wasn’t giving everything I did 100% of myself. I was doing a few things at 100% and then, when an issue would come up, I would TRY to give 100% to the most important things at that moment. Ultimately, although I didn’t fail miserably, I did slowly chip away at many people’s very positive perception of me.
Although I would never consider mocking the justice of God, I have to say that I’m thankful to Him for using Steadman to point this out to me. I don’t think I would have been receptive to this information before I met Steadman and I definitely don’t think I would have been willing to listen to anyone else discuss this right now. All of this sounded crazy to admit that in the conversation with Steadman and it’s still crazy to write the same admission, here days later. But, the reason why I’m writing it is because, I think it’s important and part of the healing process to point out when we lead ourselves down the wrong path. Sometimes it’s not anyone’s fault but our own that we’ve ended up in certain positions. It’s also important to acknowledge the person or event that caused you to realize our mistakes. Sometimes this comes in the form of justice, painfully truthful conversations, or some other emotional experience. In the end, we all have to be honest and forgiving of ourselves before we can move on.
Have you forgiven yourself for misleading yourself? What’s the one thing you would tell someone else if they realize that they have been misleading themselves also?